Jeanette Friesen, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
What can be more fun to a boy than to wrestle on the floor with his dad? They both seem to thrive on those good-natured matches. It's just as normal for siblings to play rough at times - wrestling, tussling over a toy, running through the house getting away from each other - all common things in a growing family. Unfortunately, roughhousing sometimes becomes abuse.
Did you know that sibling abuse is one of the most common forms of family violence? Siblings will use physical violence because they have learned it from their parents or other adults. In fact, one study found that 76% of the children who were repeatedly abused by their parents also abused their siblings.
Long before the roughhousing becomes abusive, parents need to set boundaries on what is acceptable behavior. No hitting or other violence should be allowed. Another step parents can take to prevent abuse between siblings is to model respectful behavior in your family. Children learn how to interact with others by observing you. Parents need to pay close attention to the interaction between their children and praise them when they are able to work out a problem. When problems persist, don't step in and try to "fix it." Instead, give the siblings an opportunity to voice their feelings at a family meeting, giving equal time to each side of the story. Work out the problems in a respectful way. Support each of your children as they grow. Let them know that their own personal interests are important, that they do not need to be like a brother or sister.
Do a check-up on your family this week:
Do you treat your children respectfully?
Do your children treat each other respectfully?
Are your children hitting each other when conflicts occur?
Do you have rules in place for acceptable behavior?
You may need to call a family meeting to work out problem-solving strategies before roughhousing turns to abuse.
After you have answered the above questions, go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu and click on TIPS. Let us know what you think.
Source: Marriage and the Family: Diversity and Strengths, David H. Olson and John DeFrain.
