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TIPS
Anger Management
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Deanna Peterson, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Anger is an emotion that is an "OK" emotion we all have it if we are human. The reality is that anger cannot be eliminated no matter how hard you try. The behavior and/or thoughts that are associated with the feeling of anger are what can become harmful and unproductive. Knowing how to control your anger or the anger of your child is not natural and must be learned by the parent, then role-modeled by the parent, then taught to the child. Anger is a signal that something is wrong in our lives. So if anger is a signal for change or understanding, what do we change and how?
- Identify the reason or situation behind the anger. Much of anger stems from other sources and is almost always tied into other stressors, so identify the other sources and stressors.
- Decide how to behave. Anger can cut off our rational thinking skills and makes coming up with healthy ways to act, in the moment, too difficult. So take a time out for yourself, go for a walk, breathe deeply - in through your nose and out through your mouth. If your child is angry engage them and lead them through one or more of these coping skills.
- Talk honestly and directly to the person involved. Pick a good time to talk to the other person. Look at the person you are talking to, be willing to listen to the other person's view. Reflect the viewpoint or feelings of the other person to build cooperation. This is the same for a child who is angry with a parent or situation, help them process their anger by teaching and walking them through their emotions.
When children become angry, it is often times because they do not have the verbal ability to communicate what is wrong with them. Do not just send them to their room without first trying to walk them through the three steps above. Next time your child becomes angry, try to make time to help them process. Get a sheet of paper and pencil, write the points out above as a guideline in helping them process. Summarize the results of the conflict management with your child.
When you have tried this remember to call the Dundy County University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension at 423-2021 or 800-485-0219 or email losborn1@unl.edu to let us know what you think.
Source: Tools for Parenting - Anger Management for Families by Ron Huxley, LMFT.
