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TIPS
Being Consistent
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University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Have you ever told your child that bedtime is at 9 p.m., then the next night let them stay up until 10 p.m. and by the weekend you expect them in bed at 8:30 p.m.? Or what happens when you tell your child to get their homework done right after school and your spouse tells them they don't have to do it until after supper? If these situations sound familiar, it might be time to look at the importance of consistency in your home.
To be an effective parent it is really important to be consistent in dealing with your children's behavior. No parent can or should expect to be perfectly consistent, but some level of consistency is needed for a child to learn the lessons of social life and feel secure while doing so. It's easier for children to learn appropriate behavior when their environment remains constant.
Take a look at these situations. A child is disciplined for throwing a football in the living room on Monday evening, but is not disciplined for the same action on Wednesday. How do they feel? Your teenager came home late after the basketball game. You had agreed that he/she should be home by 11:30 p.m. This is the third time he/she has come home late in the last two weeks. Your spouse says "Oh, don't worry about, it wasn't too late. Don't get too shook up about it". How does your son or daughter feel? Confused, or my parents don't care, or I can get away with anything? The answer to both situations is your child feels confused. Why? Because consistency was not implemented.
Keep these four aspects of consistent discipline in mind: First of all, results are predictable. As parents your predictable and consistent behavior from situation to situation gives children a sense of security. The importance of a rule is learned by consistently having it enforced. The second aspect is there has to be consistency between parents in dealing with similar situations. Don't play one parent against the other one. The third aspect of consistency is practice what you preach. Children learn values and beliefs more by examples adults set than by verbal instructions. Finally, the message a parent sends has to be consistent with what the child receives. The child who said to his mother, "Your mouth says you love me, but your eyes say you don't," received a mixed message.
Allow for change. Sometimes your common sense will help you decide when curfew rules needs to be changed or table manners relaxed. As children grow, rules and how we deal with them will change.
This week, look for inconsistencies in your discipline. Then work toward consistency in your dealings with your children. You'll be pleased with the results.
Do you want to learn more about how you can be an effective parent? Request the NebFact NF93-153 "Consistency in Discipline" from your local Cooperative Extension office. Go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu and click on TIPS to let us know how you have applied consistency in your discipline.
