Jeanette Friesen, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
"That's not fair!" is a declaration nearly every parent hears from their children when something doesn't go their way. There are times when life isn't fair, but other times they are saying "That's not equal." What is the difference between fair and equal?
According to "Character Counts!" fairness is defined as "playing by the rules, taking turns and sharing, not taking advantage of others, not blaming others carelessly." Fairness also involves being open-minded and listening to others. Equal, according to Webster, is defined as "the same in number, value, or other standard of comparison, or with no advantage on either side."
Sometimes fair and equal mean the same, but many times it does not. This is where the problem lies. Children (and adults, too) often see life events from a self-centered perspective, not considering the other person's point of view. So when life is not dealt equally, the reaction is "That's not fair!"
Illustrations from sports can help children understand the difference between fair and equal. For example, ask your child if it is fair when a foul or penalty is called on an opposing player. What if the same were called on their team? Is it still fair? For the same offense, the same penalty should be called on either team. That would be fair and equal. But what if the referee only enforced the rules on your team, but not the opponent? Is that fair? To be fair, both teams must play by the same rules.
To understand when equal would not be fair, you could use new shoes as an example. To be equal, the same style/color/size shoes should be purchased for each child in the family. But that would not be fair, would it? Of course not, because there are different sizes and different needs, depending on the age and activities of the child. That is the same when it comes to other privileges in the home. An older child might be allowed a later bedtime; a more responsible child may receive extra privileges. The guidelines are not equal, but they are fair.
This week, think about your family rules. Are they fair? Does that mean they are equal? What guidelines do you have that are based on age or level of responsibility? Do you have privileges that children can look forward to as a reward for accomplishment or age? The next time you hear "That's not fair!" ask your child to explain whether they are really being treated unfairly, or are they actually meaning, "That's not equal!"
Let us know how "fair" and "equal" play out in your home going to unlforfamilies.unl.edu and click on TIPS.
Written by Jeanette Friesen, UN Extension Educator.
