Jeanette Friesen, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
The playground bully has likely existed since the beginning of playgrounds, but the concern about bullying is greater today because of school violence being linked with those who have been victims of bullies.
Just what is bullying? It has been defined as "any kind of ongoing physical or verbal mistreatment where there is an imbalance of power - usually a bigger, older child picking on a smaller or weaker one." The difference, however, between bullying and normal childhood fights is in the attitude of the children involved. In normal fights, both children are upset over an incident. When bullying occurs, the victim is upset, but the bully's reaction is "What's the big deal?" or "The kid asked for it."
Has your child been the victim of a bully? Children who appear vulnerable are often the targets of bullies. They may be timid or have sensitive feelings. They may be different from others in some way - smaller or larger, have a disability, wear glasses or braces. Or, the victims may be aggressive, tending to annoy others by their behavior. Either group has few friends who will stand up for them.
As a parent, you can expect that your child will be involved in normal childhood conflicts, but bullying should never be allowed - either towards your child or your child bullying others.
These questions can help you assess if your child is bully-proof:
Is your child confident in who he/she is? You can help your child develop self-respect by demonstrating your respect for your child. Never put him/her down. Let them know you notice and appreciate their good qualities.
Do you let your children disagree with you? If they are allowed to voice their own opinion in a respectful way, they will learn to stand up to a bully.
Does their body language match their words? If your child stands up confidently, keeps hands steady and has eye contact, he/she will less likely be bullied.
Does your child have good friends? Developing good friendships is not easy for a shy child to do. You may want to invite neighborhood children to your yard to play or suggest your child try to befriend someone else who is also shy and alone.
Can your child express his/her feelings in a tactful way? If your daughter tells a friend, "I want to play a different game," who can disagree with her? That is how she feels and it is stated in a way that does not put the other child on the defensive.
Pay careful attention to your child's behavior, especially when they come home from school. They may not want to talk about things that have happened to them, particularly if a bully has made them feel they will appear weak if they tell. Ask questions to help your child open up, like "Who is the class bully?" "Who gets picked on in your class?" "What happens on the bus on the way home?" You don't want to be the last to know if your child is being bullied.
This week talk to your child about bullying. Help your child think of some plans of action if bullying occurs to your child or to someone else. If your child has been experiencing bullying, try some of the strategies listed above to help your child become more bully-proof. Then let us know what happened. Go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu and click on TIPS.
Source: NF96-309, "Bullying" - How to Stop it, revised by Kathy Bosch and John DeFrain, Extension Family Life Specialists. Written by Jeanette Friesen, UN Extension Educator
