Nancy Frecks, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Do you react or respond to your child?
Many times parents react to their children's behavior. They answer with the first word, feeling, or action that comes to mind. By reacting you aren't making a decision about what outcome you want from your child's behavior.
Responding to your child means that you take a moment to think about what is really going on before you speak, feel or act. It takes more time and effort. The time that you take between looking at the event and acting, speaking or feeling is vital to your relationship with your child.
That time, no matter how long--from a few seconds to a few days--allows you to see things more clearly, in terms of what is happening right now and what you want to happen in the long-run. Be sure and respond appropriately. For example, how you respond to a crying child varies with the age of the child.
Responding in an appropriate manner allows you to:
Think about all the options before you make a decision.
Answer some basic questions -- Are your words getting across to your child? Do your actions match your words? Are your emotions getting in the way? Do you know the reasons for your child's actions?
Consider previous similar events and recall how you handled them. Were you happy with that outcome or do you need to adjust what you did?
Be a more consistent parent. - This does not mean being inflexible but does mean that you make thoughtful decisions.
By responding rather than reacting you will be able to build a solid but flexible bond of trust between you and your child. A solid bond will hold up to tough situations and a flexible bond survives the changes that will happen as the years go by.
This week try responding to your child rather than reacting.
When you have tried responding rather than reacting, go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS and let us know how you think it worked.
