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TIPS
Eliminate No
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Lynne Osborn, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Last week we talked about using NO to set limits and to refuse requests and about switching from the negative to more positive ways to set those limits and to refuse requests. What can parents do? Six suggestions from The Parent’s Toolshop by Jody Pawel are:
- Use a conditional YES. It’s 5:30 and your child wants a cookie. The minute you say NO your child begins thinking up ways to get you to change your mind. Instead say Yes, when you have finished supper you can have a cookie while you pick up your toys. If you use a conditional YES, this doesn’t mean that you allow unacceptable behavior. Instead it means that you tell your child the circumstances under which your answer could be YES.
- Offer an alternative. Say You can go to Joe’s house on Thursday or on Friday instead of tomorrow.
- Give information. Explain your reasoning - Grandma is coming tomorrow. It’s ok to express your feelings and concerns - I really feel uncomfortable about you spending the night with a family I don’t know.
- Take some time to think. When necessary, take time to think about your response. Explain to your child that you need to take time to think. Then respond as quickly as possible. Beware of using this option too often.
- Recognize your child’s feelings. It must be boring to have to stay inside when it’s raining - then offer choices or options - but maybe you can help me bake cookies or work on your new puzzle.
- Give wishes. When what a child requests is impossible, grant a wish - I know you wish we could stay at DisneyWorld forever. How would that work? What would we do if we could stay? You can have fun with this, it will redirect your conversation and it will let your child know that you understand his heart’s desire.
This week, work on eliminating NO by using the 6 suggestions listed above. Then log on to unlforfamilies.unl.edu and click on TIPS and let us know how the tips worked.
