TIPS
Kids Learning From Mistakes
Is Not Easy For Parents
Gail Brand, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Parents have only a few years to prepare their children for the big world they are going to have to face. All loving parents face essentially the same challenge: How do we raise children who have their heads on straight and will they have a chance to make good choices in the big world? We need to allow our kids a chance to go from total dependence on us to independence and making their own choices.
Helping your preteen and teen occasionally is okay, as long as help is requested. But offering help when none is needed encourages children to be overly dependent. Intervene on your child’s behalf at school and elsewhere only when absolutely necessary. This will help your teen develop problem-solving strategies and learn to anticipate difficulties before they occur.
According to Jim Fay, one of America’s top education consultants, and Foster Cline, a trend-setting child and adult psychiatrist, "Parents who try to ensure their children’s success often raise unsuccessful kids. Because responsibility is like anything else - it has to be learned through practice."
Here are some guidelines to help children to solve their own problems:
Let them know you have empathy for them. "What a bummer!" or "I feel for you!"
Now what are you going to do since this has happened? How are you going to handle this situation?
You can offer your child choices. They can give some good choices or maybe some not so good options. This will help them to start thinking outside their boxes. This might also simulate another solution.
After each solution, ask the child to state the consequences of each solution. How will that solution effect you? How will that solution effect other people involved?
Finally let the child decide what solution they would like to do or don’t let them decide incase someone is going to get hurt. "Good luck. I hope it works."
Have no fear. If the child makes a poor choice, they may have a double learning lesson. We as parents often hover over and rescue our children whenever trouble arises. They’re forever running lunches and permission slips and home work assignments to school; they’re always pulling their children out of jams; not a day goes by when they’re not protecting little junior from something-usually from a learning experience the child needs or deserves. Try to help your children make the right choices and let them make a few mistakes to learn by practicing.
This week, let your children learn from their mistakes. Follow the guidelines above and then log on to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS and let us know how it worked.
