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TIPS
Self Responsibility
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Myrna DuBois, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Why are kids so irresponsible? Because they’re kids, for the most part. If we want children to know something, we have to teach it to them. It is our job, as adults, to teach our children how to be responsible. Becoming responsible is part of a developing sense of self and others that children can learn and grow into.
We need, first of all, to teach them what they are responsible for. We need to recognize what children of their age can be responsible for. It may not be reasonable to expect a small child to be responsible to see that the garbage gets taken out every day without being told. But in middle elementary, we can begin to have that expectation. They can understand that. But before we expect those kinds of things, we need to help children be responsible for their own little world.
Little kids can learn to be responsible for such things as picking up their toys, putting their clothes in the hamper, and remembering to wear shoes when they go outside. Those are their own things. It is they who personally benefit when toys are not broken or lost, clothes get to the right place so they are washed and are ready to wear when they want them next, and their feet don’t get cold.
Children vary a great deal in their understanding of being responsible. There is no certain age when we can expect them to do exact things. Some children are ready for self care much earlier than others. They can be home alone and remember to stay in the house, not invite in either friends or strangers, get a reasonable snack for themselves, and start their homework on their own. For other children, this takes much longer. But if they start to learn small self-care things when they are quite small, when adults are around, they will be better prepared for alone time.
Part of responsibility is confidence in oneself that you can actually carry out responsible things. In order to help a child feel they can be responsible, we need to give them small responsibilities to carry out. We can’t just spring it on them and expect them to be a full-fledged responsible person. An example of a small responsibility is sorting socks. By kindergarten age, sometimes even before, many children can sort clean socks in the laundry. They can, within a short time, learn which socks belong to each family member and put them in their sock drawer. Another example is setting the table. Teach them to wash their hands, and show them where the silverware goes. Small children can’t handle glass plates, so don’t expect them to. But they can handle silverware, and they can learn to put the silverware in the right spot.
With this solid base, most children will grow in their ability to take on more responsibilities. Elementary children need to learn to be where they are expected to be. Did they dawdle on the way to school and arrive late? Did they play in the park after school so you didn’t know where they were? Take a step back. They’re not quite ready for the responsibility. Start with smaller responsibilities which can’t lead to such dire consequences as being out in the world. Re-enforce the small things, then open up their world to greater responsibilities later.
Even the most responsible child will have lapses from time to time. Most children are irresponsible at times. It is part of their growing up. But do help them gain skills to help them become responsible for themselves, their world, and even those around them from time to time.
This week, try to evaluate the level of responsibility your children have attained. Are you helping them gain the skills necessary to become more responsible? Are you expecting too much? Maybe not enough? Think about their levels of development. Maybe they are ready for new responsibilities. Then log on to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS and let us know what you think about helping your children become more responsible.
