Myrna DuBois, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
In order to understand what kids need to be successful, we need to first understand what a successful kid is. A successful young person is one who can grow into adulthood with the ability to manage his/her own life. They stay out of trouble, they can get and keep a job, they manage their finances, they get along with other people, and they are content. Success can be defined in many ways, but the definition above is what we will use for this article.
Kids need the loving support of at least one adult in their lives. That person is, ideally, a parent. But other adults can serve that role, too. Teachers, clergy, 4-H leaders, and many other adults are in roles where they can make incredible differences in children’s lives. The more adults the child has who offer encouragement and support, the better.
Kids need boundaries. Many kids know the difference between right and wrong, or between what is good for them and what is not, but without adults there to set boundaries, provide limits, and guide them through the pitfalls of temptations and life, they may have a lot of difficulties. One group of children was doing something they knew they shouldn’t, and one was overheard to say, "I can’t believe that grown ups aren’t stopping us." We need to stop them. Kindly. Calmly. Until they are old enough and developmentally ready to manage their own boundaries, we need to protect them from themselves.
Kids need to feel competent. By this, we don’t mean a sense of puffed up pride or of haughty conceit, but simply a feeling that they can do things. Some kids can do lots of things. Others can do fewer. The point is, all kids can do something. In a sense, it is the everyday little things they need to feel competent about. The ability to keep their food safe and clean and to choose things to eat that are good for them. The ability to dress themselves appropriately. The ability to do little things around the house so that when they are young adults they can manage an apartment or household. Wash the dishes, change the bedding, clean out the sink, take out the garbage. Kids who spend hours watching TV or playing video games may not set aside time to gain these everyday skills that all kids need. They need the encouragement of adults to learn skills. The old adage "It’s for your own good," is maddening to them, but it works.
Kids need relationship skills. How to make friends by being a friend. How to treat others with respect by being considerate, and by not putting down or hurting both other kids and adults. How to treat themselves with respect by taking care of their body, spirit, and mind. How to be where they are expected to be so others can trust them. How to be honest and dependable. How to manage conflict so there is not a wall of animosity between themselves and others.
These needs may seem like a tall order. But every kid in the world needs these things. They learn them from the examples around them. There are many examples, widely available, that are not positive ones. Adults can guide kids towards appropriate examples by pointing them out, and by setting limits in their whereabouts and their contacts in the world and through media. It is our job. We are the grown-ups.
This week, log on to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS and let us know what you think children need to be successful.
