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TIPS
Spanking
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Lynne Osborn, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Parents who want to make sure their children know who has the power or to get even with their children for disobedience often use punishment. Parents can feel a sense of satisfaction after punishing their children, but punishment does not help children learn self-control and self-discipline.
Of all the types of punishments, research has shown that physical punishment is absolutely the worst, no question about it. Physical punishment is no more effective than any other type of punishment. And it has the most harmful effect on a child’s development.
Physical punishment includes spanking, slapping, shaking, dragging, shoving, pushing, hitting and grabbing body parts - ear, arm, leg, neck, finger, nose, etc. It also includes putting hot sauce on a child’s tongue as advised in a recent book by a famous former child TV star. Children who are subjected to physical punishment are more likely to use aggression with others because they have learned from their parents that hitting someone is an acceptable way to solve a problem. Physically aggressive children are less likely to be accepted by their classmates and more likely to have trouble in school.
Many parents believe that spanking is an acceptable form of punishment. It’s quick and easy. But it teaches that you have to obey the person who is the most powerful, not necessarily the one who is right or who has your best interests at heart. Research has shown time and again that the more a child is spanked, the worse the child behaves. Then the severity of the spanking has to escalate to be effective. The scary part of spanking or any type of physical punishment is that it is so easy for an angry parent to lose control and really hurt the child. After a child is spanked, that child is not thinking about the behavior that led to the spanking, instead they are filled with resentful thoughts about the person who did the spanking. Which would you rather have—a child who is thinking about how much he hates you and hates what you did or a child who is thinking about what he did that was wrong?
A common justification for spanking is "Spare the rod and spoil the child." This is kind of a Biblical reference from Proverbs 13 but there is no verse in the Bible that states this in exactly these words. The rod referred to is a shepherd’s tool that is used to guide and care for sheep and is not used to beat (or spank) the sheep. Using this interpretation, the Bible is telling parents to guide their children with love.
It’s true that not every child who is physically punished develops problems with aggression, but why take the chance? You have so many other alternatives that do not have the harmful, long lasting effects of physical punishment. As parents we do the best we can with the information, knowledge and experiences we have. Research is constantly developing and giving us new information. It is never too late for us to learn new parenting techniques. In conclusion, let’s repeat something that is backed up by hundreds of documented research studies, NEVER, NEVER hit, spank, slap or use any other type of physical punishment with your child. All kinds of physical punishment are BAD for your child. Don’t do it. Find another way that helps your child learn.
This week, become aware of the times you use physical punishment with your child. Think about other things you could do instead. Don’t obsess about your past punishments of your children. Put it behind you and make a commitment to teach your children in a different way. (Next week we will talk about some alternatives to physical punishment.) Then log onto unlforfamilies.unl.edu and let us know what you think.
