Eileen Krumbach, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
The first rule for setting rules is to see a child as part of the total family. Giving up everything for your child is probably not a wise idea. As parents you have needs that also must be met. It has been suggested that every child needs to have people "who are really crazy about him - people who love that child with all their hearts." Parents are especially good at this kind of loving and it may be the most important life-long contribution they can make for their child's growth and development.
Present rules in impersonal terms. Then, if your child feels any conflict it will be between themselves and the rules; not between you and your child. Instead of saying, "I don't want you eating in the living room," remind them, "The rule is, food and drinks in the kitchen only, please."
Rules need to be rules or consequences you can live with. Make the rules brief and clear. The more often you repeat the same rule, the more your child will tune you out. As your child starts outside for playtime, you need to say only one word: "Coat!".
Set rules before a situation gets out of control. As a parent you need to stay in control. If you don't approve of something your child does, act before the situation gets out of control - before you become angry and overly frustrated, and before your child's behavior becomes unreasonable. The rule for setting rules is to keep your cool.
What are some rules that you can state clearly and briefly? Are they rules that you can live with? What rule did you state in an impersonal manner?
Call the Dundy County University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension office at 423-2021 or long distance at 800-584-219 or e-mail us at losborn1@unl.edu and let us know how things are going.
Sources: Parenting Your Child Effectively, NF02-536, by Marilyn Fox, extension educator, University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension.
Effective Ways to Guide Children, NF93-154, by Pat Steffens, Extension Family Life Specialist
