TIPS
Helping Children Resolve Conflict
Aggressive Behavior of Children
Janet Hanna, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Aggression is any behavior that results in physical or emotional injury to a person or animal, or one that leads to property damage or destruction. Aggression can be verbal or physical.
There are four different types of aggressive behavior: accidental, expressive, instrumental and hostile. It is important to know the different types of aggressive behavior, so your responses are effective when dealing with children.
Accidental aggression is just that, an accident. Without trying, a child hurts another child. Stepping on someone’s foot while playing tag is accidental aggression.
Expressive aggression is committing an aggressive act because the act feels good. The child, however, does not aim to hurt someone. For example, a toddler may be so involved in play that the child doesn’t notice the other child isn’t happy when the blocks are knocked down.
Hostile aggression is aggression done on purpose to hurt someone physically or psychologically. This is also known as bullying.
Instrumental aggression occurs when children fight over objects, territory or rights and in the process, someone gets hurt. When both children think they are the first to the paint brush and in the process of struggling to gain control, someone gets hurt.
Most aggression exhibited by children ages two through six is instrumental, with the majority of outbursts happening in fights over materials and toys.
General Skills for Handling Children’s Aggressive Behavior
1. Model nonaggressive behavior. Be calm when dealing with children who are upset.
2. Eliminate aggressive materials. Do not purchase toy weapons.
3. Manage materials to minimize potential frustration among children.
4. Praise children when their behavior is appropriate.
5. Make it clear that aggression is unacceptable.
Specific Skills for Handling Specific Aggression
1. Accidental Aggression Management - When accidental aggression occurs, the adult needs to defuse the situation by identifying the wronged child’s feelings and explaining that this was an accident.
2. Expressive Aggression management - In this situation, the adult needs to redirect the actions of the aggressor.
3. Hostile Aggression management - Children must be told that hostile behavior will not be tolerated.
4. Instrumental Aggression management - Learn, practice and use conflict mediation skills:
Step 1: Initiate the mediation process.
Step 2: Clarify each child’s perspective.
Step 3: Sum up.
Step 4: Assist children in generating alternatives.
Step 5: Help children agree on a solution.
Step 6: Reinforce the problem solving process.
Step 7: Help children follow through on their agreement.
This week help you child learn these conflict mediation skills. Then log onto unlforfamilies.unl.edu. Click on TiPS and let us know how the exercise steps worked for your child.
