Mary Loftis, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Children + Unrealistic Expectation = Unhappy Holidays 4 All
How can we change this mathematical equation with all the catalogs, commercials and pressures of the season working against us? Doesn’t it seem harder every year to keep spending under control and to maintain at least a moderate level of Christmas cheer throughout the holidays?
Many suggestions have been offered over the years to help families truly enjoy the holiday season without blowing the budget, diet or stress levels of the adults supposedly in charge.
What can you do? First of all, make a valiant attempt to stop the green eyed monster, Mr. Greed at the door. Do your kids remember what they got for Christmas last year . . . at least without looking at the family home videos? If you or they can’t remember, how important were those gift they just HAD to have?
Every child wants everything they see on the commercials. Who wouldn’t? They see kids excitedly playing with a toy while the parents sit beaming in the background . . . perfect family memory. Where’s the reality camera five minutes later when a fight breaks out over whose turn it is, the toy gets broken and the parents lose their cool?
If you can’t live in the TV commercial world . . . turn the television off. If children aren’t exposed to every toy on the market, they won’t be asking for things they think every kid needs to have and will have a better idea of what really is important to them.
When finances are tight, whether you’ve had medical bills, purchased a new house or gone through a divorce you need to be honest with the children. Experts suggest sitting down with the family and explaining that this Christmas may be a little short on material gifts. Give reassurance that everything is alright and start making plans for an economical holiday, rich in fun and memories, but restrained in dollars spent.
Create special family traditions, like camping out together under the Christmas tree and having a Christmas movie marathon like Christmas Vacation, It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story. Decorating Christmas cookies together can make quick work of a big project and then take a plate of cookies to the neighbors to share the Christmas spirit.
Many families have Santa bring one present for each child and additional gifts (large or small) come from the parents. That way children know that Christmas gifts must be purchased and don’t just magically appear. It may also cushion the blow later when they learn the "Santa Truth." Besides, Mom and Dad look like cheapskates if Santa brings everything.
Making a game out of opening Christmas presents prolongs the fun of the holiday without adding expense to it. Multiple wrapping of gifts in larger and larger boxes is a time treasured tradition in some families. Pass the gift around and around the room letting each person open one layer of the wrapping papers. This is especially good if it’s a family gift like a video or DVD or a note telling where to find a gift.
Another idea is to make a scavenger hunt out of finding gifts. Make clues from different colored and shaped papers for each member of the family and number and/or letter them so they don’t skip ahead. Include physical activities and stunts like jumping like a frog 10 times or running around the house once before going on to the next clue. Have one person at a time hunt for their gift clues (oldest to youngest) so everyone can enjoy the fun.
Try tying a ball of string to a child (or adult’s) "big gift." Take the ball of string and roll it around the house inside, outside, and around the furniture and the furnace too. Brush off those cobwebs and finally end up at their Christmas stocking or at a small gift bag. Put the ball of string inside it so they can roll up the string as they go in search of the gift. Of course you will want to keep the video camera running for these activities and to re-run the best parts over and over again like Dad having to say: "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit."
Taking the kids shopping for gifts to give other less fortunate families helps them understand just how rich they are when these kids just ask for socks or shoes for Christmas.
Of course when you’re taking to the kids about celebrating a more modest Christmas, they may ask "Are we poor?" This question can lead many different directions. If you ask them back "What difference would that make in our lives?" You might have a true opportunity to reassure them your family is rich in love and to encourage them to help the family celebrate unselfishly this year, without the Green Eyed Monster adding to the Christmas gift list.
Change this year’s holiday equation to: Children + Realistic Expectations x Fun = Especially Happy Holidays 4 All. Then log onto unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS, and let us know if you were successful in making some changes in how your family celebrates the holidays.
