Lynne Osborn, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Every parent knows that children, even babies, have their own personality. As a matter of fact, research shows that personalities are significantly established by the age of two. No matter how different the personalities of children, one factor remains constant. Children want to gain mastery over their surroundings, their world. For example, have you ever read a book to a child, over and over, until they know the book better than you do? If you "skip" a page because you are tired and it’s past bedtime, they insist that you "forgot" a page and you have to read it. Or, if they like a certain song, they like to hear it over and over again. This is what is referred to when talking about "mastery" and is vitally important as it increases independence, self-confidence and a sense of pride in children.
One way you can help your child(ren) feel good about themselves, while still providing boundaries with guidance, is by giving them choices in decisions affecting them. For example, suppertime: you know roughly what you have available to make, taking into consideration the time, their likes, etc. So you would say, "I need you to help me make a choice, should we have hamburgers or grilled cheese?" They say, "Spaghettios". You say, "Ohhh that would be good, but the choices are hamburgers or grilled cheese; out of those two, what would you pick?" Nine times out of ten they will make a choice given those parameters. You gave them control in making the decision. When they stepped outside the boundaries or parameters, there was acknowledgement, along with redirection to the original question.
Source: Deanna Peterson, Extension Educator, University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cooperative Extension, Lincoln McPherson Counties.
