Lynne Osborn, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Setting limits for our children is a parent responsibility, part of the whole discipline process. It gives children structure and keeps them safe. As adults, we all have rules, or limits, we are expected to follow on the job and in the community. Setting limits is one way to help your child learn self-discipline as they move toward adulthood. It helps kids learn that they can't always have everything that they want...that some things come with a price and a certain amount of sacrifice may be necessary or there are consequences.
Setting limits requires foresight and commitment on the part of parents. It works best if both parents are involved in the process. The first step is to anticipate where the problem areas may be. Where do you expect your child may overstep their boundaries? Your experience with older siblings may help you here. Identify areas to focus on.
It is important that limits be clear and consistent. Children need to know exactly what their boundaries are. Telling a teen, "Be home early," most likely means something entirely different to the teen than it does to the parent! Likewise, a toddler who is told, "Don't touch the television buttons," and is disciplined one time but not another is getting inconsistent messages. Parents who set limits must enforce those limits each and every time if the limit is to be successful.
Determining the limit and a reasonable consequence if your child doesn't follow it should be clearly defined to the child in advance. You may need to check communication by asking your child to explain back to you what the limit is and what happens if the limit isn't followed. (This step is not reasonable for very young children.)
Honoring limits helps the child learn control and develop responsibility and needs to be acknowledged when the child does a good job.
This week, identify a limit and a reasonable consequence for your child; then discuss it with him or her. When you have reviewed the process of setting safe, understandable limits, call Dundy County Cooperative Extension at 423-2021 or 800-485-0219 or e-mail at losborn1@unl.edu and let us know what new parenting idea you discovered.
Source: Raising Self-Reliant Children In A Self-Indulgent World by J. Stephen Glenn & Jane Nelsen and Parenting: Ward and June Don't Live Here Anymore by Jim Dugger.
