TIPS Helping Children Acquire
Characteristics For Staying Home Alone
Lisa Poppe, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Personality characteristics are innate and observable early in life. Personality traits, however, are not immutable. Parents can help children if they
offer encouragement from infancy on, correct gently, say that everyone has to learn to do certain things and this takes time, and then praise all efforts made, children will strive to please
are sensitive to and accepting of their child's temperament and reactions. This builds the child's confidence, sense of security, openness to new experiences, pleasure in accomplishing tasks and courage to act.
discuss things with their children uncritically, accept their children's point of view before offering alternatives, reassure children who have done wrong that they only made a mistake and are too smart to repeat it. This results in children who readily tell their parents everything that happens in their lives.
On the other hand, parents who
constantly tell their children what to do and how to do it, and then remind them constantly don't raise self starters
ask their children to do things that are too complex or require greater maturity than the child has, force their children to fail, and lose self confidence
label their children as "bad" or "lazy" or "messy" or any undesirable trait, confirm that behavior. If children are labeled in this way by their parents, whom they consider all-knowing, they assume they must indeed be "bad" or "lazy" or "messy" and the behaviors are confirmed. Criticism and hurt feelings only lead to bad behavior; if children are made to feel bad they can't act good!
The environment and readiness: the neighborhood and the family. In addition to the child's readiness to be alone before or after school, certain characteristics of the home environment need to be considered. Some of these are easy to control; some are not:
the safety of the neighborhood, can a child safely walk home, or get from the bus to the door without risk?
are there adults nearby and accessible, always available, and familiar to the child or children? Is there a back up plan?
how much time is involved? How long must the child be alone? Is there a planned structure of activities planned for the time alone?
are there siblings? Pets? What are the ages of the siblings?
is the home equipped with dead bolts, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, first aid kit, evacuation plan, emergency phone numbers by the telephone, flashlights and batteries, money in a hiding place known to the child, lights on timers so that the child doesn't get home to a dark home in winter, all liquor locked, a cell phone for the child with the important numbers in it, a hidden key or a key left with a reliable neighbor who is sure to be home?
is there time to set aside every single day for a quiet talk, a review of the day, an opportunity to tell the child how wonderfully responsible he or she is, and a willingness to help the child with whatever is current in her or his life, homework, a problem with another child at school, a wish for a special snack.?
This week make an attempt to work through the suggestions listed above. This will give your child an excellent chance of success when staying alone. Then go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS, then on Feedback and let us know your ideas for children who stay alone.
