Jeanne Murray, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension
Self-care can be a rewarding experience for children who are ready for it. It can help them develop independence and responsibility and can give them confidence in their own abilities. However, if the child is not ready, self-care can be a frightening and dangerous situation.
Is Your Child Ready?
There is no magic age at which children develop the maturity and good sense needed to stay alone.
First, your child should indicate a desire and willingness to stay alone. Children who are easily frightened are not ready.
Your child should also be showing signs that he or she can be responsible. Children, who are able to get ready for school on time, solve problems, complete homework and household chores with a minimum of supervision, and remember to tell you where they are going and when they will return, have some of the skills needed to care of themselves. For many children these abilities begin to appear between the ages of ten and twelve.
Finally, your child should be able to talk easily with you about interests and concerns. Good parent-child communication is needed.
If your child shows these signs, you may want to consider self-care. However, you must also think about several other factors. These are 1) the neighborhood in which you live, 2) the availability of adults nearby, and 3) how long your child will be alone. If you have concerns about these factors, it is best to continue to use some form of child care even if your child seems ready to stay alone. Remember, children, like adults, are all different. Some are more independent than others, and some are more fearful, despite your care and preparation.
Try It Out
Have some trial runs first for short periods of time. After each experience, sit down and talk with the child about how the experience was and how the child felt. If problems exist, the child is not ready. If the signs indicate that the child can handle the responsibility, keep channels of communication open to discuss whatever comes up.
Children who are mentally and emotionally ready to stay alone, who have been taught the skills and knowledge needed to deal with this new responsibility, and who are able to talk easily with their parents about fears or concerns that may arise, can gain much from the opportunity to care for themselves.
Let us know about your experiences in leaving your child alone. At what age did they stay home alone? Go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu, click on TIPS and go to the feedback form.
Source: Kathleen A. Olson, University of Minnesota Extension Educator, Goodhue County, MN.
