Submitted by ... Debra E. Schroeder, Extension Educator
in Cuming County
--Taken from Enriching Family Relationships newsletter,
Angela Barron McBride, The Secret of a Good Life with Your Teenager,
Times Books, NY
University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension
Building Strong Families
Teenagers
don=t cause the difficulties of their teenage years by themselves.
Problem:
Both parent(s) and child are changing. Most parents don=t recognize their own conflicts and are not prepared
to parent a teenager.
Parents= rules for success:
- Understand the changes taking place
in you. When the teenager is asking AWho am I?@ the parents are asking AIs that all there is?@ Parents are going through Amiddlescence@, a time for looking back at what=s been accomplished and ahead to what=s left to be done. A parent may have exaggerated reactions
to things his teenager says or does because he=s having doubts about his own self-worth.
- Important: Don=t worry about an occasional outburst of temper. One
bad day does not make a bad parent.
- Don=t envy a teenager=s youth. Although most parent’s wouldn’t want to be
teenagers again, they=re upset about their own missed opportunities. They
feel that with the wisdom they’ve gained they would now do a great
job of being a teenager. They=re probably right ... but we must all learn from our
own experiences, both the happy ones and the painful ones.
- Realize that the nurturing a child
needed to make it this far is no longer appropriate. The emphasis
now is on letting go of old ways of relating. Although most parents
want their child to be able to hold his own, his growing independence
makes them feel useless.
- Solution: Advise on big issues
such as education and career, but let the child follow her own
paths whenever possible.
- Enjoy the good things. Parents of
teenagers are probably at the peak of their capabilities. And they
will have more freedom than they’ve had in years to pursue their own
interests.Solution: Advise on big issues such as education and career,
but let the child follow her own paths whenever possible.
- Teenagers are starting to appreciate some of the things
their parents enjoy. They=re interested in the world ... talking with them can
provide a whole new perspective. And they=re often surprisingly responsible, sensitive and perceptive.
Please share with us hints you use with your teen and
how you have used these suggestions. Share your thought by clicking on the
TIPS Feedback Form link below. For more information on parenting teens go to the University
of Nebraska-Lincoln publication website at www.ianrpub.unl.edu and click on Families.
