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TIPS For Families |
Source: Take Back Your Marriage, Dr. William Doherty. Too busy!! Who’s too
busy? You only have jobs to hold down, kids to get to ball practices, meals
to cook, home to maintain, yard to mow, friends and family to keep in contact
with, deadlines to meet, community service to do. And then you wonder why
there is no time left for your spouse?! No couple goes into marriage
with the thought of neglecting their new relationship. However, as time goes
on, careers demand time and energy, children become the focus of attention,
and the couple relationship often is left with “the leftovers.” It all happens
too gradually, you each get more involved with your careers, community activities,
and the demands of children. Then almost without warning, you realize that
you hardly know the person you are married to! Maintaining a strong
and healthy couple relationship is not easy, but the time invested in keeping
your relationship strong pays great dividends. Research shows that if your
marriage is good, it leads to good parenting and a sense of security for the
children. How can you do it? Making
time for your marriage will not just happen, it has to be intentional. The
first essential is to recognize the problem. The good things in life are crowding
out the best of life – your relationship. Talk about it, and then develop
a “game plan” to make changes. That may require cutting back on some of the
activities your family is involved with. Let your children know that you feel
your relationship is important enough to set limits on how much you will do. Identify times when you
can connect with each other every day – if even for a few minutes. Mornings
– say “I love you” before leaving for the day. Never take your spouse for
granted! During the day – take time for a quick phone call over breaks or
noon hour. OR, leave a note in your spouse’s brief case or lunch box to let
them know you are thinking about them. After work, make a greeting ritual
that is special for both of you when you arrive home from work. Evening –
take time to check in with each other on how your day has gone. Turn off the
TV or adjust the children’s bedtimes so you have some quality time for each
other. Block out time for a
date together. Actually mark it on the calendar! A date night once a week
or once a month or breakfast together on the weekend will give you more extended
times to keep connected with each other. Don’t feel guilty about taking time
for your relationship. It is actually the best gift you can give each other
and your children. Would you like
more information to help keep your relationship strong? Go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu.
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