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TIPS For Families |
Written by: Toni Hill-Menson, MS, Graduate Research Assistant Teen dating can be a positive experience and can be a source of intense positive
emotions, support, and a way to explore one’s identity. Nonetheless,
there are also some risks that accompany those experience, and as parents,
you need to be there to guide your teen towards a path of safe-dating.
1) Know and share the facts. Educate
yourself on the benefits and risks of dating (suggested resources listed
below). Be aware of, and discuss the different forms that violence/abuse
can -- sexual assault and coercion, emotional/psychological threats,
stalking (including cyber/electronic stalking), and financial exploitation.
Provide information on other sources such as hot-lines or counselors
in your community. 2) Encourage your child to provide
details. Encourage your teen to share information on who they are dating, and where they
are going if they are going out. Ask for information on phone numbers,
addresses and planned activities if possible. Stress the importance
of trust and honesty, and that you are seeking information as a matter
of safety, and not because you distrust your child or the person they
are dating. 3) Give practical advice. Parents
need to provide practical, common sense advice. For example, to always
keep beverages with you at when at a club or party as someone could
put drugs (e.g. date rape drugs) in unattended beverages. Avoid completely
secluded settings where they cannot call for help. 4) Develop a safe exit. For
various reasons, dates sometimes do not go as planned. Parents and
adolescents together need to think of a safe exit plan for those situations,
including code words to indicate the date is not going well, emergency
contact numbers, and alternative transportation. 5) Respecting “No”. Parents
need to make sure both sons and daughters understand that “no”
means “no”, and that at any point in the date or in the relationship
a “no” must be respected and treated as a stop sign. Both sons and
daughters need to understand the implications of saying “no” to sexual
relations. . 6) Be positive: Discuss healthy
relationships and be a good model. Rather than panicking about all the difficulties that
dating can bring, equip your child with tools to tackle this new experience.
Help them develop skills in identifying abuse, and in analyzing the
costs and benefits of dating. Be a good role model. Teaching your
child that he or she deserves respect and should show respect towards
their partner will not be heard if you do not model this behavior or
if you yourself are in an abusive relationship. If you wish to leave feedback about this TIPS for Families, click on
the TIIPS Feedback Form below. For more information on Parenting go
to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension publication website
at www.ianrpub.unl.edu and
click on Families. Selected references: Bouchey, H. A. &
Furman, W. (2003). Dating and romantic experiences in adolescence. In G.
R. Adams & M. D. Berzonsky (Eds), Blackwell handbook of adolescence
(pp. 313-329). Malden, MA: Blackwell. National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (2005).
Teen dating violence. http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/dating.asp |
