TIPS For Families

Written by:  Ruth Vonderohe, Extension Educator, University of Nebraska Extension

Creating Strong Families (Third of Six Parts)

Communication is on everyone’s list of the qualities of strong families‑open, honest, straightforward and clear communication.  But positive communication‑above all else‑is the key to success.

Dr. Nick Stinnett at the University of Alabama at Tuscaloosa likes to say: “In the world of words there is a way to say precisely what we would like to say, but in a positive manner that ensures that we will make progress in our relationship with each other.”  In short, stop and think for a few seconds how to restate your feelings in a way that is not hurtful to the other family member and will help to build your love for each other, rather than tear it down.

Communication in strong families does not always produce agreement on important issues.  Family members are all individuals and have unique ways of looking at the world.  It works best if they all can speak directly with each other without blaming or condemning.  And even in strong families, some disagreements simply don’t get resolved.  People can still love each other and remain friends and loyal family members while agreeing to disagree on various issues. 

There are ways to help increase the amount of positive communication within your family.  Sometimes, it takes actually thinking about what you are saying and writing it down.  One technique is to draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper.  On one side, write all the positive comments you make to family members.  On the other side, write all the negative comments.  The goal is to have at least 10 positive comments for each negative.  Sound impossible?  You can do it!!

Take a few minutes to see how positive your family communication is.  Fill out the assessment, discuss your responses and talk about the strengths you demonstrate with other family members. Put an ‘S’ for Strength beside the qualities you feel your family has achieved and ‘G’ beside those qualities that are an area of potential Growth.  If the particular characteristic does not apply to your family or is not a characteristic that is important to you, put an ‘NA’ for Not Applicable.  After recording your perceptions, spend some enjoyable time talking together about how your views are similar and how they are different.  Remember: No one is absolutely right and no one is absolutely wrong on this.  Everyone has a valid perception of what is happening, and everyone’s views need to be considered carefully and respectfully.

In Our Family:

_____We feel comfortable sharing our feelings with each other.

_____It is easy to understand each other’s feelings.

_____We like to listen to each other.

_____We respect each other’s point of view.

_____We enjoy our family discussions.

_____We share funny stories together.

_____Putdowns are rare.

Now that you know your family’s strengths related to communication to each other, think of examples that would work for your family.

Family Activity – Family Cookbook

Objective:

Both immediate and extended family will enjoy and appreciate the communication that takes place during the sharing of family recipes.

Step by Step Instructions:

1. Write to member of your extended family, asking them to participate in a Family Cookbook.
2. Send one recipe card to each family member.
3. Ask them to write their favorite recipe on the recipe card.  Explain that these should not be fancy recipes, but everyday recipes their family enjoys, longtime favorites, recipes passed down in the family.  Also, have them write a message on the note cards, including their signature and a brief message about the recipe.
4. As recipes come in, enjoy making each recipe with members of the family.  Take pictures to put on the recipe card.
5. Check with local copy stores to reproduce your cookbook.
6. Family members may pre-order books so you will know how many copies to make.

Discussion Questions:

1. What foods do you remember eating when visiting relatives?
2. How many recipes come from different family members?  Who submitted recipes?  What special recipes are missing?”  Who would have them?
3. What recipes are based on traditional foods of your family’s nationality?
4. How can you find the old favorite recipes?

If you wish to leave feedback about this TIPS for Families, click on the TIPS Feedback Form at the bottom of this page.  For more information on Creating Strong Families go to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln publication website at www.ianrpub.unl.edu and click on Families.

Source: Family Treasures, 2006