TIPS For Families

Written by:  Ruth Vonderohe, Extension Educator, University of Nebraska Extension

Creating Strong Families (Fourth of Six Parts)

Strong families know how to manage difficult times in life creatively.  Many counselors believe that one of the most important things a family can do in a time of crisis is to reframe the situation, i.e., look at what is happening to the family from a different perspective.

During critical times, families often have little choice in a situation.  Each individual family member can spiral down into depression or anger over the difficulty of the situation.  Families can hold a series of group discussions and focus on how they can work together to meet the challenges they face.  They can find answers about how to handle those stressful situations.

Families sometimes fall into disarray during times of crisis; but those families who can recover from the initial shock and sense of despair can band together and find solutions.  The notion that a difficult time in life can be a catalyst for growth and a better life in the future is sometimes hard to swallow.  The first impulse is to give up, run away, get mad or blame someone else.  Sometimes life seems so difficult that we may need to take it one day at a time.  Sometimes we have to take it 10 minutes at a time.  If we can just manage to hold on and do so with the support of the important people in our lives, benefits are considerable and the wisdom we gain is priceless.

Have your family members record their perceptions in Managing Stress and Crisis Effectively. You will want to complete the following survey now and again in three months to see how your family is progressing.  Put an “S” for Strength beside the qualities you feel your family has achieved and a “G” beside those qualities that are an area of potential Growth.  If the particular characteristic does not apply to your family or is not a characteristic that is important to you, put an “NA: for Not Applicable.

In Our Family...

_____ A crisis has helped us grow closer together.

_____ It is easy to find solutions to our problems when we talk about them.

_____ Our friends are there when we need them.

_____ We always find that something good comes from a crisis.

_____ We have the courage to try to do new things in life that will improve things for our family.

_____ We can accept things in life that we know cannot be changed and find peace.

_____ All things considered, we look at challenges as opportunities for growth.

Family Activity to Develop a Coping Ability in the Family

Objective:  to help couple and family members find time for the activities that are most important to them.

1. Have each person do the following exercise:
1. Draw a large circle on your piece of paper.
2. Think of this circle as the face of a 24 hour clock.
3. Put a dot at the top of the circle and label that dot with the time you get up to begin your day.
4. Put a second dot at the point on the circle proportional to the number of hours later when you go to bed
5. Draw a pie shaped wedge to the center of your circle from the two dots.  For example, if you sleep about eight hours, your “sleep section” will fill about one third of your 24 hour clock.
6. Next, quickly think of a typical day.  Divide the rest of the clock into wedges that show how much time is spent in other activities.  Label the different areas:  work, eating , studying, meal preparation, commuting, personal grooming, working around the house, watching TV, exercising and so forth.
2. Discuss how you spend your days.  Were there any surprises?  For example, did you discover you spend very little time together as a couple or a family?
3. Now that you/ve identified the blocks of activity that fill your days, discuss if this is the way you enjoy spending your time.  What things would you like to do more of as a couple or family if you had more time.
4. Rather than develop a To Do list, write a Don’t Do list.  This might include watching television, taking part in activities without your family, buying more things so there are more items you have to clean, fix, service, etc.

If you wish to leave feedback about this TIPS for Families, click on the TIPS Feedback Form at the bottom of this page.  For more information on Creating Strong Families go to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln publication website at www.ianrpub.unl.edu and click on Families.

Source: Family Treasures, 2006