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TIPS For Families |
Written by:
Dr. Kathy Bosch, Ph.D., CFLE, Extension Specialist, Regardless of their
personality, temperament, or family background, individuals will have
conflict with others throughout life. This is an inevitable part of
being human. Conflict often results because of anger, abuse, envy,
blame, pride, or hurt feelings. Hopefully the conflict doesn’t control
or consume what a person thinks, does, or says. Conflict causes a lot
of problems for adults, their children, extended family, and coworkers.
Sometimes conflict is so serious that it affects sleep, attendance at
social events, physical health and mental well-being. It is a major
factor for stress in relationships. Others may not be affected much
by conflict and not even think about it. Often times these individuals
are referred to a hard-shelled like a turtle who can protect herself
from enemies or attack. Other times these individuals may be referred
to as heartless because it appears they are tough or don’t care whether
they hurt anyone or not. No matter what position
an individual has in the family, conflict is bound to occur at one time or
another. Parents are the leaders of the family and will make major decision
affecting the family and children. It is essential for parents to work together
as a team to do what is best for their own relationship while caring for the
children. Children should not be in charge of the family, always have their
own way, or have adult responsibilities such as making major decisions. When communicating with
adults or children, it is important to learn how the other person feels. This
simple gesture is a symbol of respect, caring, and love. Sometimes parents
have conflict between each other on parenting techniques; partners fight about
such things as money, sex, and housework, and children have sibling rivalry.
Conflict also occurs in extended family between adult children and their parents,
sisters, brothers, in-laws, aunts and uncles, and even cousins. In addition,
step-families also have issues that may cause conflict. Conflict in a family
can actually be greater than that between friends. When problems with friends
persist for some time, they probably won’t continue to be friends. Family
will always be family. Family can be a great source of comfort and strength
for many but, unfortunately, for others family can be a great source of hurt,
disappointment, and loneliness. To preserve and strengthen these relationships,
the source of anger, blaming, envy, pride, and hurt feelings needs to be examined.
Try to answer these questions: What is the problem that causes conflict?
What is your part in the conflict? Is it something that you can work to improve?
Can you be a better listener? Can you share your feelings more adequately?
Do you need to say you are sorry? Do you need to forgive someone and then
go on? In some cases, seeking professional counseling to handle the conflict
is necessary, especially if children are involved or the health of an individual
is suffering. If you wish to
leave feedback about this TIPS for Families, click on the TIPS
Feedback Form link below. For more information on parenting
go to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln publication website at www.ianrpub.unl.edu
and click on Families. |
