TIPS For Families

Written by: Deb Schroeder
University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension

Is it quality time or quantity time that’s important? According to researchers Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain, it’s both! In a survey of over 3000 families living in the United States and abroad, time together was identified as one of six characteristics found in families who seem best prepared to meet the challenges of modern-day living.

“We know that poor relationships within the family are related to many of the problems in society,” note family life researchers Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain.

Benefits of spending time together

Quantity vs Quality

The debate over “quality vs quantity” has raged for years but to the families surveyed by Stinnett and DeFrain, “... quantity and quality appear to go hand-in-hand. The time they spend together needs to be good time; no one enjoys hours of bickering, arguing, pouting or bullying. Time also needs to be sufficient; quality interaction isn’t likely to develop in a few minutes together.”

“Quality time” can take on a variety of dimensions. Quality time means, not only the entire family being together as a group, but it also requires planning opportunities for one-on-one relationships to grow, as well.      

Overcoming barriers to shared family time

With all the pressures on today’s families, how do they make time to spend with each other? How do they manage to have weekly family time plus regular, one-on-one time with individuals?

Stinnett and DeFrain acknowledge that one of the realities of modern life is that many activities and persons compete for our attention and time. While strong families are not exempted from this shortage of time, they have learned some creative ways of “eeking” out time to create memories together:

• Share meals together on a regular basis. Use this time to share triumphs and tribulations or just to keep up on current events. Use this time as a “family meeting” to plan upcoming events or solve problems. Or simply use this time to enjoy each other.  (HINT: Enhance meal time by turning off the television and turning on the answering machine!)
• Work together as a team to get chores done. Turn lemons into lemonade by using “chores” to teach children important life skills and get the jobs done. Demonstrate skills and work alongside children until they master each task. One mother I know cherishes her time as a child spent drying dishes because it was her opportunity to interact with her mother and sisters. She deliberately put off purchasing a dishwasher so that she could continue this tradition with her own children!
• Play together. Whether it’s indoors sitting by a fire, reading books aloud, playing board games or putting together a puzzle OR outdoors involved in summer or winter activities, time spent in recreation obviously provides an excellent opportunity for interaction with family members.
• (A SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT TELEVISION: Many of the strong families surveyed by Stinnett and DeFrain felt television was an interruption that demanded too much attention so they had strict limits on the use of TV in their homes. Others simply tried to improve the time spent watching television by using it as an opportunity to discuss issues presented through commercials and programming, alike.)
• Celebrate special events. Personal observances such as birthdays as well as holidays and vacations are times when family members should be together.
• Participate in community activities With all the commitments facing families today, it should be some relief to know that time spent together need not be spent in isolation! Attending activities at school, Scouting or 4-H as well as at church events are all ways that family members can show support for each other. In addition, volunteering as a family to assist with local service projects not only provides another opportunity for families to work and play together but it also lends itself to helping children develop a sense of pride associated with being a contributing member of the community.