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TIPS For Families |
Written by: Mary Ann Holland The job of parenting although rewarding, is often complex
and at certain times can be considered difficult. Initiating tough
discussions with children about important and sensitive issues is not
an easy thing to do. Many family members, young and old alike, avoid
talking about the subject of death. Yet, talking about dying while
everyone is healthy will be much easier to do than when faced with a
crisis or an emergency. Depending upon the age of the child, of course, parents can involve
children in a discussion about end-of-life issues in a non-threatening atmosphere.
Opportunities arise, such as death of a neighbor, a friend, or a front-page
news story, to talk about how death of a family member signifies changes to
one’s family life and affects every family member. Parents themselves may have aging parents they are providing
care for or who live in the home. Children are aware their parents transport
grandparents to the doctor’s office, or hospital stays, or even accompany
them on visits to a nursing home. Discussion about caring for someone or
making health care decisions for one who is no longer able to do so on their
own, is a natural way to introduce the concept of “Living Wills,” or “Advanced
Directives.” Another term is “Power of Attorney for Health Care”; essentially
all refer to the same thing: giving another person legal authority to make
health care decisions on your behalf. Explaining to children that advanced directives or living wills
are “written statements describing the type of care a person wishes to receive
at the end of life” and need to be completed before a serious injury or terminal
illness occurs is also important. A living will names a trusted person to
speak on your behalf when you can no longer make decisions about the type
of care provided by medical professionals. Each state has laws regarding advanced directives. In Nebraska,
forms and information are available from the Nebraska Health and Human
Services agency on aging, a legal services office or from your attorney.
Caring Connections, National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization
website, www.caringinfo.org links to state-specific downloadable forms.
The printable forms, when signed completed, are legally binding. It
is not necessary to have a lawyer complete an advanced directive; Nebraska
law requires a person to be at least 19 years of age and in sound mind
to complete the document. It becomes legally binding if signed by the
proper witnesses or the maker’s signature has been notarized. Expressing your desire for care and choosing “an agent” to act
on your behalf is only part of the equation. Having a discussion with your
family members and your physician about personal choices for medical intervention
at the end of life are equally important. Copies of the completed document
need to be in your medical file, with the chosen agent, and other family members
as well. Having a completed form will not benefit anyone if no one knows
about it. Begin thinking about your own wishes for end-of-life care. There
may come a day when you would be in a position to make decisions for a member
of the older generation, or worse yet, your spouse or your own child. Having
a discussion now with your children about your future choices will be an enormous
help to them should they ever be in that decision-making role. For more TIPS for Families, go to unlforfamilies.unl.edu.
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