TIPS For Families

Written by: Andrea Nisley
University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension

Source: “Positive Solutions for Families”, Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior, University of South Florida

Life with a young child can become filled with conflict and confusion.  Sometimes even the simplest activity can turn quickly into disaster when a child’s behavior is out of control.  Many parents find themselves struggling with their child’s challenging behavior at some point.  The good news is these evidence-based, effective strategies can be used to create positive solutions for your family.

Tip #1:  Keep Your Expectations Realistic.  It is important for you to know and understand your child’s abilities and limitations.  Expecting too much or too little from your child can lead to problems and frustrations for you both.

Tip #2:  Plan Ahead.  Try to anticipate what your child may do or need in various situations.  Make sure you plan ahead to set your child up for successful experiences. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  Always have a back-up plan!

Tip #3:  Clearly State Your Expectations in Advance.  Some undesirable behavior occurs because your child can’t act differently or simply doesn’t want to act differently.  Either way it helps to remember that your child can’t read your mind.  Be sure to give your child one clear instruction so he knows what you want him to do.

Tip #4:  Offer Limited, Reasonable Choices.  Most children are not born with the built-in ability to make decisions and then accept the consequences.  In order for your child to learn to take personal responsibility, give plenty of support and practice.

Tip #5:  Use “When . . . Then Statements”.  A “when . . . then” statement is a simple instruction that tells your child what he must do in order to earn a desired consequence (what he wants to do).  Give your statement a positive focus. State it only once and set a reasonable time limit. Follow through and be prepared for your child’s response – it may be “NO”.

Tip #6:   Catch Your Child Being Good.  How much time do you spend telling your child what he should not do?  Instead, try giving specific, positive attention to behavior you want to see again and again.

Tip #7:  Stay Calm.  When your child’s behavior is unacceptable, you can choose to either respond to it or ignore it.  If a reaction is required, acting calm with a minimum of attention reduces the risk of strengthening the very behavior you wish to discourage.  Remember, you are modeling desired behavior. When you remain calm, your child learns appropriate ways to respond to difficult situations.

Tip #8:  Use Neutral Time.  Neutral time cannot be found in the middle of a difficult situation filled with strong feelings.  Instead, it’s when everyone is calm enough to think, talk and listen.  You can talk about what happened and positive ways to handle problems in the future.

Click on the TIPS Feedback Form at the bottom of this page and let us know how you used an effective strategy to create positive solutions for your family.