TIPS For Families

Promote Integrity and Teach Trustworthiness in the Family

People of character do the right thing because it is right even when it costs more than they want to pay and even when others may gain advantage by their dishonorable conduct.

It is up to each individual to make a commitment to integrity, but much can be done to create an ethical “culture” at home or in the family.  An ethical culture is a climate that promotes honest and honorable conduct and discourages dishonest, deceitful and dishonorable behavior.

Cheating has reached alarming proportions in all segments of American society, creating widespread cynicism and an erosion of trust.  We are in deep trouble if young people maintain these habits as the next generation of corporate executives and police officers, legislators and lawyers, and airline mechanics and nuclear inspectors and parents.  It is, therefore, a matter of urgency that we who have the opportunity to shape the values and attitudes of young people engage in thoughtful and comprehensive efforts to promote integrity and prevent cheating.

Cheating is just one symptom of lack of integrity.  Thus, efforts must be make to not only combat cheating but also place a positive emphasis on the virtues of honesty and honor.

As parents, how can we instill this sense of integrity and trustworthiness in our families?  Having a family discussion may bring out points you as adults have not thought of.  Ask questions such as: What do you think about cheating in the real world? (Listen; let your children share their true feelings about cheating.)  Add questions as you listen: How common is cheating in society?  Who cheats?  If cheating is widespread, does that justify individuals cheating to compete or cheat in self-defense?

What do you think about cheating in school? How prevalent is cheating in school?  What are the different ways kids cheat at school?)

Do cheaters sometimes prosper?  If so, in what ways?  If it works, is that an adequate justification to cheat?  Is cheating wrong in itself or only if you get caught?  Does cheating affect trust?

Every choice produces both intended and unintended consequences.  What do you think are the good and bad consequences of cheating in a school setting? On the cheater’s academic record? On the cheater’s reputation among different groups?

What do you think the appropriate consequence of cheating should be if:

  • Someone falsifies accounting figures in a business?
  • Someone gets a job after lying on a resume?
  • A coach violates recruiting rules to acquire an athlete?
  • An Olympic athlete uses illegal performance-enhancing drugs?
  • A high school principal falsifies records to understate dropout or violence rates?
  • A teacher changes answers on statewide exams to make the school look better?

It is so important to take your child’s integrity seriously!!  Be attentive to your child’s values and behavior.  Remember your child is watching you and you are the true value setter in your family.  Parents absolutely cannot live a double standard.  We must live what we believe because we know our children need good examples and those examples are not always found in schools, public organizations, and in the media.

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.:-Andre Gide

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