TIPS For Families

The subject of “super kids” gets plenty of press these days.  Time devoted the better part of an issue to it and Newsweek also featured articles.  Books with titles like Hyper Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? are appearing on bookshelves.

What are super kids?  Some call them overscheduled; others refer to them as pushed and hurried.  Some speak of the practice of creating super kids as scheduled hyperactivity.  Child Development specialist David Elkind writes: “Parents are under more pressure than ever to over schedule their children and have them engage in organized sports and other activities that may be age-inappropriate.”  Most agree the practice is today’s status symbol among families.  In short, a super kid is a child pressured by parents and by society in general to do too much too soon.  It’s a phenomenon in our society in an escalating trend-with no end in sight.  It’s a frightening thought.

Parents have the best intentions.  Parents want their children to be happy, they equate happiness with success.  And parents fervently believe that success won’t come unless they give their children a jumpstart in competition.

But at what cost will “success” come?  If children don’t learn to play as children, they aren’t likely to discover its value as adults.  If children begin living like adults in childhood, what will there be left to look forward to?  What’s to ensure they won’t be burned out from all the pushing and pressure before they even reach puberty?  If parents caused their children to miss the magic of childhood, how will the children ever find the magic necessary to cope with the trials and tribulations of adulthood?  What will become of the childlike nature when they need to bring out the playfulness that makes life worth living?

Childhood is not a dress rehearsal for adulthood!  It is a separate, unique and very special phase of life.  And parents are essentially wiping out its existence in an effort to be sure their children get ahead.  When did life become a competition?

Young children are not internally motivated to success; their only motivation comes from the value we place on success.  As a result, stress is often a principal factor in the life of a super kid.  Studies have shown that the brains of stressed preschoolers now look remarkable like the brains of stressed adults.  The body has excessive amounts of adrenaline and cortisol, the chemicals responsible for the body’s fight-or-flight reaction.

Pushed children never have the opportunity to discover who they are.   And they never learn to be at ease with themselves when alone, or have time on their hands.  Having experienced life “by the clock”-and almost constantly surrounded by others-these kids have never learned the joy of solitude, of having only oneself for company.  Not only does this mean they’re unable to practice self-reflection, but they’re also unable to simple be.

A bumper sticker reads: “No one ever said on his deathbed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’”  Whether or not you agree with the sentiment, do you look back on your life and regret the opportunity you had to just be a kid?

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